ben ([info]gargoylisous) wrote,
  • Music: Pink Floyd - A Saucerful of Secrets (1968) - A Saucerful of

later, there came a tremendous nostalgia for the present.

so i'm wearing a guitar slide on my ring finger and trying to type...not working...

yesterday i was driving along minding my own business in sherman oaks, los angeles, when i started recognizing the style and quality of clothing worn by the pedestrians on the sidewalks and in the crosswalks, clutching their iced-mochas and frappuccinos, their tight pants and worn faded shirts and clean-but-trying-to-be-dirty-and-failing hairstyles and i thought: Bourgeois, Bohemian, Bullshit, Beneath Me. but then i recognized the stores they were going in and out of, and the patterns of trees (finally)lining the sidewalks and knew i was back home. and tears sprang to my eyes, because in seeing myself from the outside i saw what i've been living all these years, that not only do i live as i despise, but i live that way comfortably.

today gary pratt, the head of the jazz department, assigned his Your Career In Music class to interview someone in the industry doing what each student aspired to do when they got out of college. he said "one of the best ways of learning about yourself is to look at someone else".

i'm starting to connect with the kids here, and its taking the place of my longing for home, and i don't like it. i want to be miserable, damn it!

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  • 8 comments

[info]dwolf9

October 13 2005, 21:45:02 UTC 6 years ago

well shit man, me too. we're in the same boat now - no stopping it. it never stops. its never going to stop man.

[info]tomato39

October 14 2005, 01:20:24 UTC 6 years ago

why do you despise that way of life?

[info]gargoylisous

October 14 2005, 02:43:09 UTC 6 years ago

because i don't like things that focus on material goods/possessions. like capital, they are necessary for life (food shelter etc.) but i really think they should be kept to a minimum. its one more thing to take your mind off of the other humans in the world. and i'm ridiculously attached to my possessions, which is a problem...

[info]tomato39

October 14 2005, 07:31:14 UTC 6 years ago

...ah. Well, that was the best explanation there could have been for that.
*patpat* Go you.

[info]gargoylisous

October 14 2005, 18:26:29 UTC 6 years ago

this is a great honor, coming from the towering intelect of Kathrine. thanks, man.

[info]tomato39

October 15 2005, 03:15:24 UTC 6 years ago

welcome, bro.

[info]n_n_nonpareil

October 14 2005, 07:40:37 UTC 6 years ago

dont you hate that? when you want to be sad so badly and people keep making you happy? it frustrates me. Treatment did a lot of that making me look at myself thing. I thought i was so cool... im still cool, there's just no denying it, but not for the reasons that i expected.
i like my stuff too. I'm all about distraction. I lived in the woods for 9 weeks though, where i had all of my posessions in a backpack and slept under a tarp and made a spoon out of a stick. It was hardcore. I liked it a lot actually, it was rough, but i had hundreds (well, it looked like hundreds) of miles of beautiful mountains and dessert and wilderness stuff as my back yard and saw the stars every single night. I missed the stars a lot when i came back to civilization.
its amazing how much value we put on things, especially because once they're gone and you're stripped to the bare essentials you're just as happy or unhappy as you were before.
it makes me appreciate things a lot more. but as liberating as it was, have you ever tried taking a bath in the snow in freezing temperatures with nothing but a bandana and a coffee can filled with hot water? i didnt think so.
i kindof like having a surplus of opportunities and priviledges. It sucks that not everybody can have it, and that some people are utterly consumed with it... but im guilty of enjoying it fairly often. what can i say...

[info]phranklin

October 14 2005, 22:04:59 UTC 6 years ago

a'ight, but i have thought about what will happen and I realize this: im just putting holes in my ears. and If I hate them when im older I dont need to put earings in them. problem solved!
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